Battles

Me vs. The Legion of Pears turned out OK despite some tense moments. My original two-pronged scheme (give a lot away as fresh fruit, dry a lot in the oven) was aborted when I discovered that A) It takes 30 hours of oven time to dry pears and B) Most of the little dudes had been tunneled into by bugs, which rendered them, while still totally edible, not fruit-basket-worthy.
Garth suggested an Iron Chef Oakland Pear Battle, which would have been a lot of fun if my apartment was larger and I knew anybody besides myself who was stubborn/foolhardy enough to spend hours grimly peeling and coring and de-bugging. In any case, I turned to various pear advisory board websites, rolled up my sleeves, and made some tasty things–Pear Orange Marmalade, Ginger Pear Bundt Cake, Rustic Pear-Riesling Tart and I don’t even remember what else. There are a few sorry looking specimens still bagged up in the fridge and I think those are destined for Pear Oatmeal Cookies. Which don’t really sound THAT good, but seem like a good venue for mushing up over-the-hill fruit.
Besides pears, the other thing that’s been haunting me is fruit flies. Perhaps, you say, there is some connection between having a million pounds of overripe fruit in your home and the arrival/population explosion of fruit flies. You might well be correct. The more general problem is that fruit flies and I like the same things: fresh fruit in abundance, fresh air, composting, wallowing in glasses of white wine. I kind of hoped that once the pears had been dispatched they’d fade away, but it’s summertime, and I have open windows with lousy screens and piles of peaches and tomatoes and stuff on the counter. So the flies remain, partying on the cabinets and the counter and everywhere else. I’ve been thinking obsessively of an appliance I saw years ago in a Sky Mall catalog: the Bug Vacuum. Here’s the description from the website:
This cordless insect vacuum quickly captures bugs from up to 2′ away. Flies, bees spiders and other insects are suctioned by a 22,400 rpm motor, sending the insect through a one-way valve in the extension tube to an electric grid in the handle that instantly kills the pest.
The extension tube removes to place dead bugs in the garbage, shutting off the electric grid in the process to protect curious fingers from electrical shocks or burns. Without the use of toxic chemicals or vacuum bags that can serve as breeding grounds, this handheld device has an extendable nozzle to reach insects in high ceilings, while the flexible rubber suction cup compresses to fit in tight corners, and the lightweight plastic design allows complete control while chasing flying insects.
Includes a charging stand that plugs into AC and the unit has a LED charge indicator light to monitor battery life.
Sweet! Too bad it costs 50 bucks. By the by, my half birthday is coming up.